Friends,

Am writing and PUBLISHING this for my own peace of mind.  I don’t think anyone will actually read this. Well, maybe two or three. But why do I feel the need to explain myself in a public space? Because I am longing for redemption.  For I am longing to be understood.  For I want to express the way I understand the events in my life.

Two years ago, I had my fifth episode that eventually led to me being confined in a home care center. Prior to my confinement, I did many embarrassing and cringe-y things. But the worst of all is I posted in social media my dirty laundry with the family. This caused me terrible grief as I slowly recovered from my episode. I cannot even say that I have fully come to terms with what I have done.

But the good news is, I am back in the folds of my family. My brother is being a brother again. He is present in my life. What I have always longed for and truly missed. My sister-in-law is gracious enough to relate honestly with me without any baggage. I am living with my 92-year-old father in the family compound.

This is like 15 years ago, in 2007, when I first came to Gensan to live with my brother’s family. This was after I immediately got out of the hospital where I was confined for two weeks due to a psychotic break. Then, I was with Mama. The difference now is that we are living more comfortably. And that I have gone through three more episodes and several interesting experiences in my life.

It’s sort of a déjà vu. But not really. It’s as if I am now picking up from where I left off 15 years ago. It’s as if this is where I am supposed to be, had I not left home 15 years ago. Well, not really. My life would probably have a different set of experiences had I stayed on. I would probably have different preoccupations and problems. But heck, here I am now and such is such.

So that’s all there is to me. Nothing to write a novel about. At least for now. I just needed to say some words on what happened, so there is some closure, even just on paper, or in this case, the cloud.